When I Started Loving Myself

When I Started Loving Myself

When I started loving myself, I began to see that my thinking

could make me miserable and sick.

When I requested for my heart forces,

my mind got an important partner.

Today I call this heart wisdom.

Since even stars sometimes

bang on each other

and create new worlds,

today I know this is life.

Excerpt from When I Started Loving Myself

A poem by Charlie Chaplin

Written on his 70th birthday, April 16, 1959

May 31, 2023:

It is extremely painful to want two opposing realities simultaneously. One, the Now. The cozy apartment, slow mornings, long walks in nature.

Each day a blank slate to create whatever moves through me.

And the two fur babies for whom I am everything. The sun. The moon. And everything in between. It is a good life.

A very good life.

And yet…

And yet I can hear the whispers of my heart…can feel them. In the deepest parts of my soul. The call to adventure. To travel the world. To set my soul and my spirit free. To live the adventure of a lifetime.

To lead me back to my heart.

To my True Self. The one beyond the roles I have played in my life. Beyond my fears and my doubts and my insecurities.

But, like the stars that sometimes bang on each other, today I know that to live for some future event can only cause suffering.

I gaze down at the tiny bundles of fur nestled into my side, and my heart explodes with love. BIG love. And I wonder, how I could possibly wish for more than this?

And yet…

And yet the whispers of my heart grow louder with each passing day. So I allow them. Feel them. Fully. And then I turn out the light. Turn onto my side, and my baby nestles into my back.

For now, at least for this moment, all is right in my world.

October 17, 2023:

The plane touches down in New Delhi, India. Tears prick my eyes, course down my cheeks. As I begin this new life of travel and adventure, I am filled with gratitude. And with grief at the recent departure of my girls. The past four months have been hard.

So very hard.

Saying goodbye was like losing a piece of my soul. But, like the stars that sometimes bang on each other, and create new worlds, I allow the duality of emotions to coexist.

Because today I know this is life.

How about you? How does your heart speak to you? Drop a comment below and let me know.